Review: Criterion comedy night

If the management at Criterion Blue Town thought adding a comedy night to their offering would attract a younger audience to the revamped music hall on the Isle of Sheppey, then this experiment failed.

If they wanted a night of laughter, then it was a success.

Three comedians, corralled by veteran comic Kevin McCarthy, kept the small but perfectly-formed audience entertained on Thursday night (February 26).

Comedian Kevin McCarthy at the Criterion Blue Town. Picture: John Nurden

It wasn’t long before the comedians became aware of the, let us say, mature nature of those who had splashed out £17.50 on tickets for a comfy seat out of the cold night air.

McCarthy, who is no spring chicken himself and resembled something of an off-duty Santa Claus in his jeans and bushy beard, was the first to jump on the bandwagon identifying a chap called Brian, who gave his age as 86, as a likely target.

“I’d better hurry up then!” he quipped.

Then he spotted a woman in the front row with her arms folded defiantly.

“You’re either fed up already or planning to join me on stage for the River Dance,” he said.

On seeing the theatre’s grand piano in the corner of the stage, decorated with silver candelabra, he mused: “Either Liberace is coming or someone is about to sacrifice a goat.”

And that was typical of the gentle banter which followed.

Comedian John Newton at the Criterion Blue Town. Picture: John Nurden

Also on the bill was amiable John Newton from the Medway Towns. Looking around the sparse auditorium he announced: “I always get nervous at these big gigs.”

Taking potshots at his hometown he remarked: “I saw a group of lads hanging around Chatham’s Pentagon shopping centre sniffing Tipp-Ex. I thought ‘big mistake’.”

It took a while for the line make its mark with the audience but it was a welcome change to the usual torrent of anti-Sheppey jokes.

Sean Hutchinson at the Criterion Blue Town on Sheppey. Picture: John Nurden

Alas, Island comic Sean Hutchinson, wearing a moustache, glasses and a black pullover, set the campaign to celebrate culture on Sheppey back decades with a relentless stream of complaints about living in James Street.

The night was saved by Irish comic Paddy Lennox who seemed genuinely delighted to be making his debut on a Sheppey stage.

Comedian Paddy Lennox at the Criterion Blue Town. Picture: John Nurden

Looking around the theatre he remarked: “It’s like being in a time warp. I may be the most excited person here.”

It is a not unsurprising fact that when it comes to more elderly audiences there is usually a surfeit of women. And this was no exception.

At least two men had arrived with two women each and one lucky chap had four.

“This is definitely the place to retire to,” mused Lennox. “These must be the Epsteins of Sheppey - three fellas with eight women. I’m just jealous. The rest of Kent must be spitting with envy.”

• The next comedy night at the Criterion is on October 8 with comics Andy Stedman, Noel James and Gerry K. There’s no preferred age range but a boost in numbers would be a good punchline.