Hell's Circus on the Isle of Sheppey
Enter at your peril. Once you have navigated the sea of mud outside, where a boot fair field used to be, the Big Top holds many surprises.
For a start, it is difficult to see where you are going because of the mysterious swirling mist. And, at the heart of it, is the ring, bathed in an eerie red glow.
Right from the start, this is obviously not going to be any ordinary circus.
This is Hell’s Circus and it has pitched up on a rain-lashed Isle of Sheppey at Minster.
Instead of a traditional ringmaster, the show is compered, of sorts, by a sinister and often rude clown called Evil Patchy, complete with a punkish Mohican haircut.
Strangely, this is the show which should never have been.
Patchy, alias circus creator Patrick Darnell, 33, had previously vowed he was taking a break and there would be no Hell’s Circus this year.
But friends insisted he put one together for the Sheppey leg of the Paulo’s Circus tour as it coincided with Halloween. So, he called in favours and put this spooky show together for its first outing on Saturday night.
It was so new that there had been no time for a run-through.
Even Patchy’s dad, Kenny Darnell Senior, had come out of retirement to work the sound and lights. He was filling in for regular lighting guy Henry Hughes who had been drafted into the ring to become Patchy’s Viking-like henchman.
Patchy’s real-life wife Hannah (the pair met when she was 16 and ran away to join the circus) opened the show with her foot juggling act.
Soon after, Patchy, who also demonstrated a nice line in knife juggling, heaved a tattered trunk into the ring.
From that emerged the flame-haired Fanny Noin from France who performed an aerial routine with amazing grace while caught in a giant black net. She was followed by a fire-eater called Josh.
One of the highlights was blonde speciality act Danielle D’Ville from Maidstone who swallowed razor blades, hammered a nail up her nose, laid on a bed of spikes and then climbed up a ladder of swords with her bare feet.
This was one of the reasons why this show was for over-18s only. This is definitely not something you should try at home, kids.
Bringing the show to a spectacular climax was Gomez Adams, alias Alex Monterrey from Portugal, with a skilful display of lassoing and whip-cracking.
There was plenty of audience participation, including an interesting take on air guitars, and the Willy Song, which, with hindsight, was probably the other reason why the show was X-rated.
There was also the secret fear that vehicles parked in the mudbath surrounding the tent were liable to stay there until the following morning.
As it happened, mine somehow slithered and skidded its way back onto the main road without much trouble.
A pair of willies, sorry, wellies, might be a good thing to pack in the boot if the rain doesn't stop for any future visits...
Hells Circus The Midway returns on Sunday (October 25) and Saturday (October 31). Doors open at 8pm. Tickets are £13.50.
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